


extraordinary

by silverislander



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Making Out, at the beginning, canon compliant if you squint and look at it a lil sideways, rated m because of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27293626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverislander/pseuds/silverislander
Summary: ellie isn't a good person.  she knows that.  how could she be?dina thinks otherwise.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 112





	extraordinary

_Patrol meetings are getting way too long_ , Ellie thinks distractedly, focused more on pushing her girlfriend (she’s never going to get tired of saying that) up against the door of her house. She’s already forgotten all the major points of the meeting when Dina pulls her in for another kiss, hard and a little desperate. Her hands fall on the side of Ellie’s face and the back of her neck, practically begging, grasping and tugging her impossibly closer. When she threads her fingers through the hair at the base of her head and pulls, Ellie lets out a pleased little exhale that Dina clearly enjoys far more than she has any right to. Dina smirks, and Ellie takes that as a personal challenge to kiss that damn look right off her face.

She lets her hands roam through her hair and over her torso just because she knows how much her girlfriend loves the way she does it, loves her eagerness and rough hands. Her calloused fingers brush just under the hem of her shirt and skirt away again, and Dina groans against her mouth just the way she knew she would.

“What are you teasing me for?” Dina asks breathlessly, never pulling farther away than Ellie could reach to kiss her again. She settles for mouthing at Dina’s neck while she speaks, and here she can smell her too, all lavender and something else that’s just her.

“Oh, I’m the tease?” she asks before nipping gently under her jawline. She gets a small whimper in response. “You were the one eye-fucking me all damn night. We’re supposed to be paying attention.”

Dina reaches for her face gently and pulls it away to look directly at her. “You say that like you didn’t love it.” Her dark eyes are absolutely poisonous, and Ellie kisses her again instead of giving her the satisfaction of agreeing. When she slides her hands under her thighs and lifts, Dina helps her out and digs her heels into her lower back as Ellie starts to carry her into the bedroom, both giggling into their kisses.

She drops her gently, always a little overly delicate, on the bed and starts to crawl up her body, pinning her and continuing to kiss her way down her neck. Her hands start to move up from Dina’s hips, sliding slowly under the black sweater she stole from Ellie and rubbing circles into the soft skin there. She’s starting to think that maybe this is her new favourite thing to do as Dina’s hands are tracing through her hair, and Ellie’s hands have reached further up over her girlfriend’s bra. She earns a whine as she settles a hand there, louder than she’s heard so far tonight ( _but not as loud as I’ve gotten her in the past_ , she thinks) and Dina’s back arches into her. She takes that opportunity to slide the other hand behind her, up her back.

Dina grabs her by the collar of her shirt and pushes her back on her haunches, and for that second Ellie finds herself frozen. Dina tends to have that effect on her. She sits up and practically rips her own shirt off with a grin before pulling Ellie right back down again, just as fast.

With the new space available to her, Ellie continues where she left off, leaving small bruises down her neck and reaching her chest, this time with her mouth. At a particularly well-placed kiss, Dina gasps and pulls her closer again.

“You’re so good, Ellie,” she breathes. Something about the phrase stops her in her tracks for half a second, and Dina seems to notice, but she doesn’t fight it as Ellie moves back up to her neck, keeps on kissing her and feeling her under her hands, finding the clasp of her bra behind her. It slips down on one shoulder, and she feels so greedy. She wants _more_. She locks her mouth with Dina’s again, feeling drunk on the taste of her as she dips her hand under the blue fabric to massage her chest.

In a break between kisses, her girlfriend says, “I love you,” and she’s quick to respond in kind, but Dina keeps talking and goes “you’re wonderful,” and she just hides a grin and shakes her head as she leans back in.

“You are,” Dina says, a little more insistent.

“I’m already in bed with you, I don’t know what more you’re trying to get out of me.”

“Ellie,” she murmurs, and pushes herself up on her elbows. Her bra is dangling off that same shoulder and she’s barely decent from the waist up and her hair is a mess. Ellie doesn’t think she’s ever been more attractive. “I mean it, El. You are.”

“Don’t know why we’re having this conversation now, but okay.”

“Because you’re wonderful and I wanted to tell you that,” she states, like it should be obvious.

“Whatever you say.” Ellie dips in for another kiss, but Dina pushes her away gently.

“Ellie, stop. Do you believe me?” Her brown eyes bore into her, curiosity and something like pity on her face. Ellie feels her heart sink. _This isn’t really where I pictured tonight going_.

“Sure, I guess,” she mutters, raising a hand to the back of her neck.

“It’s a yes or no question,” Dina laughs quietly. “Do you mean yes?” She lifts a hand and shifts the loose strap of her bra up to where it should lie.

Ellie takes a second to think of an answer and another to shamelessly admire her like this. “I mean… I don’t know. I guess I’m doing pretty well with this-”

Dina cuts her off with a groan of exasperation. “I’m not complimenting your bedroom skills, dumbass. I meant you, like, as a person. You’re good. Do you know that? How good you are?”

The answer is almost automatic. “I’m not good.” She knows it. She shifts her weight off Dina’s hips reluctantly to sit facing her, cross-legged. She’s known it since she was a child. The things she’s done, the things she’s capable of- good people don’t do that. “I don’t really deserve ‘wonderful’ either, if we’re being honest.”

“Yes, you do.” Dina furrows her eyebrows, and it’s a sad sort of smile she gives Ellie then. “You’re really good. I’m not just saying that.”

“I’m not good,” she repeats insistently.

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“I’m just not. Never have been. That’s the way it is.” She’s grateful for the low sun and the thin curtains of the room- the twilight hides her light flush, her discomfort at the sudden interrogation. She busies one hand with tapping quick chord shapes on her leg. It calms her.

“And who told you that?” Dina asks, her tone almost teasing. She’s not smiling anymore, though, just looking at her with that pitiful expression. Ellie hates it. She isn’t one to be pitied- she’s the one who fights, who’s _strong_. Nothing ever bothers her. She doesn’t like to let it.

“I mean, take your pick. I was in a military academy most of my childhood. They don’t really have love and respect as their highest priorities; we were gonna be soldiers. Had to toughen us up. And then there was Marlene, and you know. She’s Marlene.”

Dina doesn’t respond- it feels like she’s waiting on her to continue, so she tries. “It’s fine. I mean, they were right, so hey. And I turned out alright, all things considered.”

“Has _anyone_ ever told you that before?”

“Told me what?”

“That you’re special? You’re a good person? Anything like that?” There’s a flash of something else in those dark eyes- anger?- and Ellie feels that wash of shame over her. There’s no real reason for Dina to be mad for her- is she mad at her? No, she’d tell her if she was. She knows it makes Ellie anxious to have to guess.

“Eh, not really.” Dina’s hand finds its way into Ellie’s, the one that was fidgeting against her knee, and Dina traces circles over the back of her palm and her thumb. “Joel tells me I’m a good shot sometimes, does that count?”

Dina doesn’t need to answer. The sadness in her eyes says more anyway.

“Is that… bad?” she mumbles. It feels like she’s let Dina down, and she hates it.

“That’s not- well, yes, it’s bad, but that’s not your fault.”

“Could be.”

“Ellie!” Dina swats at her arm, and she laughs before realizing Dina actually looks quite upset at the thought.

“What? It’s true. I was a shit kid. Do you even know how many fights I started? I stabbed a kid with a compass when I was ten.”

“You were a little kid, and I know you.” Dina shakes her head like she’s in total disbelief. “You don’t just attack people. He probably deserved it anyway.”

“I mean, he was being an asshole,” she says under her breath.

“Exactly. Kids don’t deserve to be treated like that, Ellie.” 

“People did tell me I was special,” she defends. “I mean, I’m fucking immune, that’s got to count for something.” She lifts her tattooed arm slightly when she shrugs and offers a smile, triumphant to counter and change the subject a little. It doesn’t work.

“That’s different,” Dina sighs. She shivers suddenly, barely perceptible, but Ellie is already shrugging out of her softest blue hoodie and passing it over to her, leaving herself in an old grey t-shirt. She looks up with a tilted head and smiles at her before putting it on and curling up into it like a pleased cat. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

There's a short silence between them. “I’m sorry,” Dina starts,

“For what?”

“What they did to you.” Did to her? She’s fine. She’s just about as well-adjusted as anyone else who came out of that hellhole. She’s only got a few scars to show for it, too- her eyebrow, her knees, one or two on her back. Barely scratched her. For a place where kids got their arms broken for insubordination, she got off pretty lucky.

“They didn’t do anything. I mean, they beat me up every now and again, but whatever. What they didn’t say doesn’t matter, that’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb!” she exclaims. Her grip on Ellie’s hand tightens. “You shouldn’t believe that you’re just not a good person. That’s not okay, Ellie.”

“It’s fine, really, Dina. I’m fine.”

It’s an odd juxtaposition- Dina looks so frustrated and pulls her into such a gentle hug at the same time. “You really are amazing and wonderful and good. Don’t try to fucking argue with me, I mean it.”

“Okay,” she laughs quietly.

“Say it.”

“What?”

“I want you to say it. ‘I’m a good person.’”

“What? No, Dina, I-”

“Say it.” Ellie’s used to that phrase coming out with a lot more gentle ribbing, a lot less anger.

“No.”

“Why not?” she insists.

“Because, I told you, I’m fucking not!” Ellie explodes, pulling away from her embrace. “I hurt people, I’ve killed people- and I’m so fucking selfish, Dina! I could really be helping people and I just won’t! I sit here, day after fucking day and I get to live here and be safe and _happy_ -” she hisses the word out like a curse- “and I get to have friends and family and _you_ , and instead of helping people I sit here and I have all these things I didn’t fucking earn. People are dying because of me! Being immune, that at least made me worth something, and look how that turned out. That got ripped away too! I could have fixed all of this and I didn’t. And guess what? I’m also a fucking murderer. I killed people, and I didn’t even fucking blink, and I’d do it again. _I’d do it again, Dina_. Good people don’t do that. I am not a good person, I’m not special or fucking worth a damn, and-” She cuts herself off when she sees a tear roll down her girlfriend’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. You- you’re good. You know that. You’re perfect, don’t worry about me.”

Dina sniffles, but is silent.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie offers quietly.

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just hate to hear you say that.” She lifts a hand to hold Ellie’s face, always so gentle like that, and it takes everything in her not to break. “If that’s what makes you bad, then I’m bad too.”

“You’re not- don’t be stupid.”

“I’ve hurt people too, Ellie. I could be helping more, but I don’t, and I’ve killed people too. You’ve seen me do it.”

“That’s different, they were going to hurt you-”

“And you were what, hunting for sport? You had your reasons.” Dina shakes her head and turns away, and her hair falls in a dark curtain. “You know what? If I helped out much more than I already do, I would be exhausted all the time. And miserable. And you would be too.”

“Actually, I would be dead,” Ellie adds quietly, half as a joke, but Dina takes it seriously.

“Exactly, you would be dead. And then I wouldn’t have you. And then never knowing you would have hurt me, so there. You not helping everyone else helped me by association.”

Ellie’s jaw drops before she catches herself and chokes down a laugh. “That is so stupid.”

“I know! That’s how everything works. Every choice people make has consequences, and some of them are good and some are bad and you can’t control them. It’s not your fault you’re happy, but you still deserve it.”

“I don’t-”

“You fought so hard to get here, Ellie. You have to let yourself love things again.” Dina lays down, tugging at Ellie’s arm to bring her with her. They land facing each other, curled up on the old quilt.

“Say it,” she asks again. Her hand is on Ellie’s face, and she rubs at her cheekbone gently as she speaks.

“I-” Ellie starts. She wants to at least try, if only for Dina.

“C’mon.”

“I’m- I’m.” She feels her throat tighten, but she’s not sure why.

“I am a good person, and I deserve this,” Dina coaxes.

“I am a good person,” she manages to parrot. There are tears behind her eyes, and though she tries desperately to blink them back, Dina rubs a thumb under her eye anyway.

“And you deserve this.”

“I- I deserve this.”

She’s not sure if she believes it just yet, but it feels a lot like a dam broke inside her. It feels like she’s been holding it back for a long time. Maybe she has. She chokes out a sob and tries to hide her face in the hoodie she gave her girlfriend, and Dina mercifully lets her cling to her, smoothing her hair down as she cries quietly.

“I love you,” Dina whispers.

“I love you too.”

“And Ellie?” She lifts her tear-streaked face back up to watch her. “You gave me your hoodie when you saw I was cold. You didn’t even hesitate. Not everyone would do that, you know. That’s good. That’s wonderful.”

She stares for a minute before giggling and returning to her previous state, hiding in her arms. They lay like that in silence until Ellie has regained some composure, when Dina sighs contentedly and sits up to shuck off the still-undone bra hanging off of her under her new hoodie and shimmy out of her jeans.

“Let’s just go to bed,” she smiles. “It’s been a big night.”

“Shut up,” Ellie grumbles, but she’s smiling too. She reluctantly stands to undress and throw her old clothes somewhere next to the hamper.

“That’s revolting,” Dina remarks, already sliding under the covers.

“And yet you’re still dating me.”

When Ellie lies down, half on top of her, half next to her, she feels warmth and light spiraling in her chest. Dina is soft and smells so nice, all half-asleep, smiling up at her like she’s what she wants, like she’s happy with this. This time, she believes her.

She lets herself stare- hey, Dina did say she deserves to enjoy things. Her eyes, her skin, her hair; Ellie gets caught up looking at the small bruises forming on her neck and collarbone with slight, bit-back pride. Unfortunately for her, Dina notices.

“What are you looking at?”

She feels her face turn red and she lies back down, but she feels like she’s blushing so hard Dina might be able to feel it pressed against her skin. “Nothing. You.”

She’s deadly silent for a moment. “Ellie Williams, did you give me more hickeys?”

“... Maybe.”

Dina sighs as Ellie starts to laugh nervously. “Well, maybe this time I won’t bother to hide them and I’ll let Joel kick your ass for it.”

“No!” The idea startles her back into full wakefulness, sending Dina into another round of giggles.

“I’m kidding, Freckles. Don’t do it again, please.”

“Yes, ma’am,” she mumbles, settling back down.

They’re nearly asleep when Ellie breaks the silence one last time.

“I do like it when you tell me I’m good, you know,” she admits, face red. “I… kind of like it a lot, actually.”

Dina hums in response, snuggling a little closer to her. “I’ll keep that in mind, baby.”

They fall asleep like that, and Ellie makes a quiet vow to herself: _from now on, I’ll try to believe her_.

**Author's Note:**

> the whole entire inspiration for this is that i was laying in bed still awake at 1:30am and suddenly thought, "hey, i don't think anyone has ever genuinely told ellie she's special!" and i had to rectify that immediately. like if you think about it, she and riley were 14 and probably danced around their feelings for months minimum, it's not like the military school did anything good for her at all, marlene was marlene, and joel tries god bless him but he's still slightly allergic to emotional honesty. thus, this fic. god, the idea that this poor girl ties so much of her personal worth to her immunity... and then to have that taken away? fuck, i'd be pretty messed up over it too
> 
> if you want to yell at/with me, i go by the same username over on tumblr! feel free to shoot me a message, i'd always appreciate it :)


End file.
